The frenzy of summer festivals is over and I'm home. I'm facing life as a temp, and reflecting on what's gone before. In fact, now I've finished as church youth worker, I'm reflecting on the past three years, which have gone by in a blur. This, of course, is the point where the self-doubt kicks in. Have I really accomplished anything worthwhile? Would the church's youth ministry have looked any different now if they'd hired someone else three years ago? Was resigning just wimping out? I suppose deep down I'm still sure that resigning was the right decision, but the future still looks very uncertain. I'm in the middle of preparing something on "manna in the desert" for Graceland tomorrow night, and it's uncanny how similar my thought process at the moment is to the Israelites.

"Wow. The desert/unemployment isn't much fun. Was this really God's idea? Come to think of it, Egypt/church youth work wasn't so bad. At least I had enough food/money there. Shouldn't I just go back? I can't even provide for my family/myself and my wife. Manna/temping's all well and good, but I'd feel a lot more secure if I could plan a it further in advance..."

I know it's all about God teaching me to rely on him, it's just not exactly enjoyable. I just hope I don't have to wait 40 years to enter the promised land...