So America want to tighten their border controls (or more specifically, their border with Mexico,) to prevent a continuing influx of illegal immigrants. Not surprisingly, a lot of people are unhappy about this. Even less surprisingly, a large number of them are Mexican. Read more on today's demonstrations on the BBC website.

What are we to make of this? Are the new border controls a perfectly reasonable measure, to protect America against a large number of people who, let's face it, are trying to take advantage of them? Or is this yet another symptom of America's insularity and suspicion of anything remotely foreign? (I still can't believe that the overwhelming majority of Americans don't even own a passport.) Probably a combination of the two.

It was a schoolboy error. There's no other way of putting it. I arranged a couple of weeks ago to take a trip to Oldham, in order to meet a contact, with a view to organising a 'Funday' event in the summer. We arranged to meet yesterday, and, not realising exactly how far it is from London to Oldham, I cheerily agreed to meet at 10.30am, and took it for granted that I'd be able to drive there and back in a day. Oh dear. I consulted the oracle over the weekend (AA Routefinder), and was confronted with a 446 mile round trip. That's further than the distance between London and Glasgow.

I was left with a dilemma. Cancelling was out of the question. Getting a train was now also out of the question, as at this notice I'd have had to take out a second mortgage on my flat to buy a ticket. So, I just had to bite the bullet and drive. But, should I phone this contact of mine and ask to meet later, thus eliminating the need to leave home at 5.30am? Or should I save face, and just go ahead as planned? For me, sleep outweighs personal pride anytime. So I managed to negotiate myself an extra hour. Makes all the difference, and makes me look not-too-stupid. Unfortunately, I was still presented with the prospect of ten hours in the car. Incredibly bad for my posture. Still, at least I had plenty of time to listen to Radio 1, immerse myself in youth culture, and surprise myself with how much of the current chart music I actually like. Old fogey? Moi?

OK, this is getting shameful now. Several people have remarked on how slack I've been in keeping my blog even remotely up to date. My excuse is that I've been doing so much writing for work recently, that it's been really hard to motivate myself to blog as well.

But I'm feeling suitably chastened now, particularly after an evening with some friends on Friday, who poured scorn on my blogging credentials. So, here's a quick run down on what I've been doing recently. I've been writing new material for Rock Solid and RS2. By the end of this week, I should have written 12 meeting outlines. Check out the YFC website for more on exactly what Rock Solid and RS2 are. Suffice to say here that I reckon they're about the best resources available to help churches reach 11-14 year-olds. (But then, I s'pose I would say that...)

I've also been writing some meandering thoughts for YPs, the Bible reading notes for younger teenagers. Click here and find 'Insite', to see my online ramblings, but I'm afraid my hard copy material won't be available until September. (This is one of the quirks of my job. Because of the time needed to get material edited, designed, printed and distributed, I have to work months in advance. Last week, I found myself writing an RS2 meeting about Christmas. Weird.)

Yes, yes, I know. It's been over a month. I'm afraid Christmas, New Year, a nasty stomach bug (both ends going at once - urgh) , a new job, and the iPod I got for Christmas have all distracted me from the important business of posting my meandering thoughts here for all the world to see.

The latest is, my new job with YFC is going really well. So far, I have endured a gruelling 5 day conference in a luxury hotel in Wales, (being forced to put up with a bedroom with ensuite bathroom, 3 huge meals a day and free use of a swimming, sauna and gym,) a conference in Eastbourne which involved making total strangers roll toilet rolls across the floor with their noses, and countless "meetings", involving cups of coffee and talking about nothing in particular. It's a hard life, this full-time Christian work, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

The mighty Emmanuel Lightning go marching on too. 5 wins from the last 6 matches have put us 4th in the league, and only 3 points off the top. Wonders will never cease. (Frustratingly, while Lightning are doing uncharacteristically well, Arsenal are just about managing to achieve the level of "woeful". The performance against Bolton on Saturday was utterly toe-curling.) Lightning's website isn't anything to write home about, I'm afraid, but click here for the Bromley and Croydon District League. (Yes, we're in the 3rd Division, but hopefully that will soon change...)

At last! I've finally managed to secure all the necessary funding, and I'll be starting my job as 11-14s Coordinator for YFC in January. The relief! No more pestering people for money. No more long lists of phone calls to make when I'd otherwise be relaxing. And I don't think it's any exaggeration to say that getting the money together has been a miracle. How else could I possibly have managed to raise £10,000 in three months? Praise God.

So, as of January 3rd, I will be YFC's all-singing, all-dancing, all-knowing 11-14s Coordinator, available for youth events, youth leader training, weddings, christenings and bar-mitzvahs.

In other news, my temping job at Morley College finishes tomorrow. It's been OK, but it will be a relief to move on. My boredom recently led me to poke around the Channel 4 history website, where I found tests to find out how black and how gay I am. Turns out I'm actually 50% black. So there. To celebrate, I downloaded 5 A Tribe Called Quest songs from iTunes. Heavy. And I can also put an end to the years of speculation, and tell you quite categorically that I am 16% gay. Which I think came as something of a relief to my wife. Basically it means I only fancy girls, but I moisturise and do the washing up occasionally.

Bored bored bored bored bored. I've been back at work for one day, after a holiday in Wales (wish I'd packed my snorkel for that, by the way), and already I'm so bored my brain is melting. Thank goodness I've got the YFC job to look forward to in the new year. So, I spent a large portion of this afternoon testing my mettle against pointless quizzes on the net. I scored 18 out of 20 on a Red Dwarf quiz (on the BBC website), and 14 out of 14 on The Simpsons (I probably should get out more, shouldn't I?) I can also tell you from the results of extensive scientific tests that the Red Dwarf character I most resemble is Kryten, and that if I was in The Simpsons, I'd be Ned Flanders. (Something of a disappointment. I was really hoping for Sideshow Bob. Honestly, how can you mark yourself high on desire for world domination, and still end up as Ned Flanders?) The most worrying moment of the afternoon was when I narrowly avoided my boss catching me filling in a questionnaire to find out which Desperate Housewife I am. (I'm a Susan, if you're interested.)

From all of this you can divulge the following:
1. If the test results are at all accurate, I'm essentially well-meaning, endearingly disorganised and rampagingly insecure.
2. I need to find something else to occupy my time FAST, before I start to believe I actually AM Susan from Desparate Housewives.
3. It's a really, really, really, really good job my employers don't know about this blog.

This is worrying. Apparently bird flu has hit Paris...

One more thing for today. I was wandering in to work the other day, when I happened to pass two guys about my age, walking in the opposite direction, and obviously deep in conversation. They were walking fairly quickly, so I only caught 2 words of their conversation. I'd share these 2 words with you, but I fear I'd be contravening the obscene publications act.

Immediately, and involuntarily, I made a judgment in my own mind about the sort of people these guys were. It's amazing the impact we can make on those around us, just in a word or two. And most of the time, we probably don't even realise we're making any kind of impression at all. Now, it'd be easy to get paranoid about this, and to tie ourselves in knots trying to make sure we always influence people for good, and that probably wouldn't do anyone any favours in the long run. But let's remember who we are. Let's allow God to influence people through us, actively ask Him to do that, even, and let's think before we speak, too.

(Yes, for those of you who know me, I know that last exhortation was a bit rich, coming from me, but I'm working on it, honestly...)

Housegroup blog

Inspired by what Mark Wilson said about recording what God has done, my church housegroup has started a blog. Check it out for moments of inspiration from my friends, as well as further self-important pronouncements from yours truly.

Life Principle #1

Leave memorials from things God has done.

Mark Wilson from City Gates Church came to speak at FHCC on Sunday. He said so much noteworthy stuff, that it wouldn't do it justice to record it all here, but I'll pull out one or two thought-provoking points. Firstly, he gave me a message from God, likening me to Tim Henman, which really would confuse you if you weren't there at the time. Suffice to say, I'm feeling encouraged that God DOES have plans for me, he IS pleased with what I've managed to do for him up until this point, and he ISN'T just a git who enjoys making me suffer.

Secondly, (and here's where Life Principle #1 comes in,) Mark reminded me of the importance of memorials. If God does something good (and if you really think about it, you'll find he does something good very often indeed,) you should make some kind of record of it; write about it, take a photo, come over all Israelite and build an altar - anything which will remind you of God's goodness, and which, when asked about it, will enable you to tell other people about God's goodness. It builds your faith, and it helps you tell people about Jesus. Cunning, eh? And if we set up memorials for what God has done, it'll give our kids a headstart in getting to know God themselves. Mark even says he wants his kids to start from where he left off. Why expect the next generation to start from scratch and fight to get as far as we have? Why not give them the chance to do things for God we've only dreamed of? I'm with Mark on this. Let's give our kids our ceiling as their floor.

So, amazingly, the England cricket team can actually play a bit. Victory in the ashes is sweet indeed. 18 years of ridicule from those insufferably smug antipodean gobshites are finally over. Which was enough to put a spring in my step this morning, despite making my way to work for the seventh day of a job which a trained dog, nay, a trained canary could do. I'm amazed they haven't found a canary for the position actually - they wouldn't even have to pay him £6.50 an hour. It is a relief to be working at all at the moment, but I hope I find something a bit more stimulating soon. I'm practically gnawing my own hands off in sheer boredom. I wonder if the England team need anyone to polish their trophies for them?

Greenbelt

For the uninitiated, Greenbelt is an arts festival, taking place at Cheltenham race course every August bank holiday weekend. No showers, unfortunately, but plenty of thought provoking stuff to see and do. Greenbelt is basically a Christian event, but without the huge worship meetings you find at Soul Survivor, for example. The ethos is that different ideas are shared and explored, but you won't catch anyone telling you what to think. This year was my first Greenbelt experience. Good food, good beer, good company and lots to argue about. I'll be going back, I think.

Probably the seminar that will stick in my memory the most is Jonathan Bartley's exploration of post-Christendom politics. I won't attempt a complete description of his ideas, because I wouldn't do them justice, but the basic thrust of his argument is this:

• The church began as a minority movement, subversive to the government of the day in not just a religious but a political way
• When Constantine declared the whole Roman empire to be Christian, and institutionalised the faith, this dynamic changed profoundly
• We today need to accept that Christianity is no longer part of the institution of this country - effectively we're back to how the church began
• Our values no longer reflect those of the establishment, and we need to have the courage, the faith and the creativity to live out these values, even, indeed especially, when they are politically subversive

Hmmm. The church as a movement for anarchy. Does this mean I can go and set fire to things? And how do we square this viewpoint with the idea that "there is no authority except that which God has established" (Romans 13:1)? Is there any way of submitting ourselves to the government, while still subverting it?

The frenzy of summer festivals is over and I'm home. I'm facing life as a temp, and reflecting on what's gone before. In fact, now I've finished as church youth worker, I'm reflecting on the past three years, which have gone by in a blur. This, of course, is the point where the self-doubt kicks in. Have I really accomplished anything worthwhile? Would the church's youth ministry have looked any different now if they'd hired someone else three years ago? Was resigning just wimping out? I suppose deep down I'm still sure that resigning was the right decision, but the future still looks very uncertain. I'm in the middle of preparing something on "manna in the desert" for Graceland tomorrow night, and it's uncanny how similar my thought process at the moment is to the Israelites.

"Wow. The desert/unemployment isn't much fun. Was this really God's idea? Come to think of it, Egypt/church youth work wasn't so bad. At least I had enough food/money there. Shouldn't I just go back? I can't even provide for my family/myself and my wife. Manna/temping's all well and good, but I'd feel a lot more secure if I could plan a it further in advance..."

I know it's all about God teaching me to rely on him, it's just not exactly enjoyable. I just hope I don't have to wait 40 years to enter the promised land...

Life's been feeling like a bad game of monopoly for a while now. Fines, payments, bad luck, disproportionate rent and not much else. Finally though, it seems I'm turning a corner. A totally unexpected gift of £100 from a friend. "Insurance company balls-up in your favour. Collect £218.25." I've even managed to stay out of jail. Call it luck, karma, whatever. I reckon it's evidence of God's provision. My prayers have been little more than plaintive letters to my solicitor recently. I might not be on a huge spiritual high, (although a good week at Soul Survivor and a decent job offer would probably put me there,) but at least my prayers are becoming thanks for services rendered. And the new football season has dawned too. I wonder if the grace of God will extend to promotion for Emmanuel Lightning?

More changes!

After weeks of procrastinating, trying to overcome my natural technophobia, I've had another fiddle with the blog template. The result is the new "what's in the CD player" section in the sidebar. No simple piece of code to copy and paste this time, but it was still fairly easy and painless. And now, through this little insight into my musical tastes, you can see how effortlessly cool I really am. You lucky people.

My CV

I don't know if anyone who reads my blog is in a position to offer me a job, but just in case, my CV can be found at the following websites:

www.totaljobs.com
www.jobsite.co.uk

I'm still waiting for an offer that doesn't involve working on commission or sitting through 17 years of training before I earn anything.

Leadership Principle #2

Naughty boys make the best leaders. Apparently. I was confidently informed of this last week by an up-and-coming Christian leader of my acquaintance. His point was that people who naturally "kick against" ideas and people they disagree with are more likely to stand their ground under pressure, more likely to attract a following, and therefore make strong leadership figures. In secular terms, I can see the truth in this. Benito Mussolini would, for example, be a case in point. But is this true of Christian leaders? Can those who are exhorted to be humble and see themselves as the servant of those they lead hold to this philosophy of leadership in good conscience? Is this just an example of a high-profile Christian justifying his poor behaviour in earlier life?

Let's be honest. I've always been a bit of a goody-twoshoes. The most rebellious thing I ever did was flicking a chunk of my eraser at my german teacher when I was 13. (Yes, Mr. Harlow, if you're reading this, it was me. Sorry.) So is there any hope for an introvert intuitive leader? Can I still hope to command people's respect with a more cautious leadership style? Winston Churchill, I'm certainly not. But I really don't want to be Ian Duncan-Smith either.

Leadership Principle #1

I was reminded last week that the most important characteristic of a leader is his or her relationship with God. Somewhere along the line I'd forgotten this, but the more a leader tries to run things themselves, the less room there is for God to work through them.
It was rather galling to be reminded of this with only a month left working for the church, but something tells me this won't be my last experience of a leadership role. This principle may still serve me well in the future.

It's been a month since my last post. High time I added to my collection of rambling thoughts. So why the lengthy break in the rambling? Well, for the past ten days my church has had a second attempt at Soul in the City, and I was jointly coordinating it. This hasn't left me much time for anything else, except eating, sleeping and wondering what I'd do when I got my life back. In fact, what with preparations for SITC, there hasn't been time for much more than this for the past six weeks or so. Anyway, excuses over.
So, since my last post, this is what you've all missed:

• I was offered an interview for a very tempting communications job with a charity
• I was informed by this charity (very apologeticlly) that funding for this job had fallen through and that I should probably seek alternative employment
• Jo and I have begun seriously considering some rather off-the-wall options for our future
• I found myself being given a (hopelessly tongue-tied) phone interview for the position of Customer Services Officer for a high street bank
• I've also had some very enjoyable time away and been reminded that I really don't need to worry about anything, because God is in charge of my future
• And finally, my application form for next year's London Marathon has arrived. Another winter of early morning 6 mile runs, niggling achilles tendon problems, giving up alcohol and boring my friends by moaning about all of these beckons

Hopefully, now SITC is over, I'll be able to post more regularly. My first aim is to see whether I can post my CV somehow. I don't know whether anyone who reads my blog would be interested or capable of employing me, but it's worth a try...

I'm 26. Am I past it? Last week, I was reading the Wimbledon supplement in the Guardian, and noticed the ages of the seeded players. Of the men, only Sebastien "Grandad" Grosjean at 27, and Tim "Methuselah" Henman at a positively geriatric 30, are my senior. Of the leading women, only Lindsey Davenport is older than me. This was a sobering moment for me. It's not that I ever harboured ambitions of winning a tennis grand slam anyway, but it's becoming clear that my prospects of success in any sport are growing dimmer. I remember seeing Michael Owen score THAT goal against Argentina in 1998, and reflecting that he was a good six months younger than me. Even then, my chances of ever playing for Arsenal were becoming slim. My footballing services are currently engaged by Emmanuel Lightning of the Bromley and Croydon District League (3rd Division).
And this depressing reality extends beyond sport. Look at the worlds of music and cinema, or even politics. How many not-so-young pretenders make a serious impression in these areas after their early twenties? Is it paranoid of me to feel that I am descending into obsolescence, now that I am careering towards thirty? Or is my growing awareness and suspicion of the "cult of youth" just a sign that I really am getting on a bit and developing into a cantankerous old git? Maybe it's time for me to invest in a pipe, slippers and bag of Werther's Originals.